The Plumpkin Mansion
by Wakkowarnerlover
Summary: Doofenshmirtz vanishes into a Haunted Mansion-eqsue manor. When the ghost expert sent to search for him also winds up lost, Perry and Lowe must continue the hunt. But not all of the spirits inhabiting the mansion have good intentions. THIS STORY IS PART OF A SERIES AND MAY NOT MAKE SENSE WITHOUT READING THE PREVIOUS TALES.
1. Chapter 1

**This is part of a series and will not make sense without reading the previous stories- but in case you want to try it out anyway, what you will need to know most is the boys and Candace can understand Perry via translator, and Monogram is aware of the boys remembering their adventures!**

Perry woke up crying.

He couldn't help it, and he felt stupid for doing so. But he couldn't stop himself.

"Perry?" Phineas woke up and jumped out of bed. "Perry, what's wrong?"

Ferb got out of bed, too, and sat down beside him.

Perry began to bawl. He buried his head in Ferb's chest. Ferb wrapped his arms around him and gently stroked his head. Phineas patted his leg.

They sat like that for a while, the boys not saying anything at all, Perry choking up tears. He couldn't think of anything other than what he felt and why he felt that way. It was infuriating.

Finally his breathing began to return to normal, save for a few gasps. Ferb's pajama top was drenched in tears. Perry was shaking.

"Do you want water?" Ferb asked quietly.

Perry nodded.

The boys walked him downstairs into the kitchen. Ferb began to fix him a glass of water. Phineas kept holding onto his hand.

Perry rubbed his eyes and tried to calm himself down.

"It's okay, Perry. It was just a nightmare." Phineas said. "It didn't really happen. Everything's okay."

 _It did really happen. And I had to relive it. And no, nothing is okay._

Ferb handed him the glass. Perry drank the whole thing and handed it back to him. He felt his eyes beginning to water again.

"Do you want to sleep somewhere else?" Phineas asked. "Sometimes that helps. We could sleep on the couch and turn the TV on really quietly. Maybe the sound will help."

Perry nodded and wiped his eyes again. "Th…thanks. That would… be good."

"I know it might be hard to talk about now, Perry. But if you ever need to… Ferb and I are here."

"That kid with the one eye is here, too." Ferb said.

"No, he lives in the Weavers' basement." Phineas said. He patted Perry on the back. "You feel a little better, boy?"

Perry sniffled. "A little."

Phineas led him over to the couch. All three of them snuggled up together and fell asleep to Lawrence's Mega-Collector Twentieth Anniversary Edition DVD Set of Pinhead Pierre.

* * *

After a very strange dream that involved Jeremy Johnson going scuba-diving with Pinhead Pierre, Perry woke up to find himself alone on the couch.

He drowsily made his way into the kitchen, where the boys were already eating their cereal.

"Good morning, Perry." Phineas said.

"Ghhuth muthning, Puddy." Ferb said, his mouth full of cereal.

"We made coffee for you." Phineas said. "We didn't actually know how to make it, though, so we just kind of experimented."

"Thank you… it's lovely." Perry sat down at the table and stared at his mug. "Um, technically you grind the coffee beans up before you put them in the hot water."

"I knew it looked funny." Phineas said. "Ferb, I knew it looked funny…"

"It's fine." Perry said. He ran his hand through his fur. "Look… I'm sorry about all my craziness last night. I guess I sort of lost it."

"Don't be sorry!" Phineas said. "We're sorry you had a nightmare. But don't worry about it, Perry. It's okay to cry. Ferb and I cry sometimes."

"I am not capable of that emotion." Ferb said.

Perry laughed a little. "Okay, I'm not sorry."

"It's gonna be October soon." Phineas said happily. "Are we gonna go to Mickey's Party, Perry?"

"Who's Mickey?" Perry asked.

"Mickey Mouse."

"Agent M? His name's Marlow."

"No, Perry. That Disney Halloween party. Are we gonna go?"

"Oh yeah." Perry smiled. "Sure. That'll be fun."

"They give out free candy." Ferb said.

"You two on a sugar rush. That'll make it extra fun. Yes, boys, we will go."

"YAY!" Phineas said.

"He appears to be on a sugar rush already." Ferb said.

Perry put a hand to his forehead. "…Would you guys mind calling Monogram and tell him I can't come into work today? I have a headache."

"Is it because of last night?" Phineas asked.

Perry nodded. "It was… really bad. I'm sorry I'm so vague. It's just… I can't really talk about it right now. Just… tell Monogram anything you can. I'll be in the living room if you need me."

* * *

Phineas waited while the phone rang.

"What do I say?" He asked Ferb.

"Perry can't come into work today because my cow." Ferb said.

"Yeah." Phineas rolled his eyes. "Thanks, Ferb."

"Hello?" Monogram said.

"Hi. This is Phineas." Phineas said.

"Phineas who?"

"Phineas Flynn. Perry's owner?"

"Oh, yes. Hello, Phineas. What's the matter?"

"Perry can't come in today. He has a headache."

"That's just as well." Monogram said. "Doofenshmirtz isn't in either. No one has seen him since Tuesday. We've put a few select agents on the ca- AGENT M, WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE? Sorry, Phineas. AGENT M! STOP PLAYING CARDS THIS INSTANT AND GET BACK ON THE DOOFENSHMIRTZ CASE!"

"Doofenshmirtz is… gone?" Phineas asked.

"If the agents can't find him, we're putting Victorio Phantasmo on the case. If he doesn't return… then we'll panic. Anyhow, Agent P is cleared to stay home today. We'll call him if we believe he can be of any vital assistance to the Doofenshmirtz case. Until then, he's fine to rest."

"Thanks. Bye." Phineas hung up and looked at Ferb.

Ferb blinked at him.

"We can't tell Perry." Phineas said. "It'll just upset him more."

"Upset him more than the coffee-bean chunks floating in hot water?" Ferb asked, pointing at Perry's mug. "I doubt that."

* * *

"Welcome to Devon's Daycare!" Devon said.

Pinky the Chihuahua turned around. Devon the dog was standing in front of at least twenty baby animals.

"Butt!" Ned the baby narwhal said.

"You're holding a daycare service?" Pinky asked.

"Yep." Devon said. "Carriebear and I thought it up. We may want to get married and adopt a child someday, so we have to get used to taking care of children."

A baby panda began to pick its nose.

"Whose kids are these?" Pinky asked.

"Oh, just some cousins and offspring of the agents. You already know Peter's baby cousin Po."

Po stopped picking his nose to wave.

"And you know Jasper the joey, and Baby Ned, and little Mary Davis the magpie…"

"Mary Davis…" Pinky said. "Was she the one magpie I heard about? The one who destroyed the O.W.C.A train service?"

The baby animals all began to sing at different pitches.

"FIVE SCREWS LEFT IN THE TRAIN, FIVE SCREWS LEFT IN THE TRAIN, LITTLE MARY DAVIS PULLED ONE OUT AND THERE WERE FOUR SCREWS LEFT IN THE TRAIN!"

"Oh ba-by!" A wolf pup sang.

"That's her!" Devon said. "Is Perry here? Seeing as he has a couple more newborns on his hands, I figured he'd need a daycare service."

"No, he called in sick." Pinky said. "But he wouldn't have come in anyway. Doofenshmirtz is missing. Did you hear about that?"

"No." Devon said, frowning. "What happened?"

Pinky shrugged. "I don't know. They haven't told us any details yet."

"Well, Pinky, if you ever find yourself with some puppy cousins or something, remember you can always call Devon's Daycare!" Devon waved and began heading down the hall. "Come on, kids!"

The baby animals toddled after Devon, singing their song off-key.

"FOUR SCREWS LEFT IN THE TRAIN!"

"Oh ba-by!"

"FOUR SCREWS LEFT IN THE TRAIN! LITTLE MARY DAVIS PULLED ONE OUT AND THERE WERE THREE SCREWS LEFT IN THE TRAIN!"

"Oh ba-by!"

* * *

"That was a great day off." Perry ate one last potato chip before stretching out on the couch. "Thanks, boys."

"You're welcome, Perry." Ferb said.

"Oh, Ferb, you'll never believe what I found in our closet earlier today!" Phineas said.

"My cow."

"I expected that reply." Perry said.

"I found a story we wrote when we were little." Phineas reached over the side of the couch and pulled out a book that said PHINEAS AND FERB'S BOOK.

"The R is backwards in Ferb." Perry said.

"Phineas wrote it." Ferb said. "He always writes his R's backwards."

"They are not." Phineas retorted. "Everyone else writes their R's backwards. Let's see what it says."

Ferb opened up the book and began to read. "Once upon a time there were two brothers. Their names were Phineas and Ferb. The end."

"That's a riveting novel." Perry said.

Phineas shrugged. "It seemed like a bestseller at the time."


	2. Chapter 2

"GETITOFF!" Phineas yelled, running into the house. "IT'S NOT LETTING GO! IT WON'T BLOW OFF!"

He shoved his arm into Ferb's hands. Ferb's eyes widened.

"What?" Perry asked. "What is it?"

Ferb pulled something off of Phineas's arm and tossed it away. "Wash it."  
Phineas went into the kitchen. Perry followed him. "What happened?"

"An ant." Phineas said, rinsing off his arm. "Usually ants don't bite me. But when they do, it's only like a little bite and then they realize I'm not food and I can blow them off really easily. But this one ant bit me and WOULDN'T STOP. It was like trying to embed itself into my arm."

"Ow!" Perry looked at Phineas's arm. "Ugh, it's swelling up more than antbites usually do, too. That ant really was out to get you."

"Revenge Ant." Phineas said. "I wonder why he hates me so much."

"Okay, now it's REALLY swelling up. Are you okay?"  
"Yeah, I'm just allergic to antbites." Phineas frowned at his arm. "This is really gonna set back our project schedule. We were gonna build a Buford Sanctuary tomorrow."

"So that all the Bufords may safely graze in peace." Ferb said, coming into the kitchen.

"…Buford Sanctuary?" Perry asked.

"Buford requested it." Phineas said.

"...Okay. Anyway, you guys have odd allergies." Perry said. "Wild parsnips, antbites…"

"Walnuts." Phineas said.

"Okay, so mine are a little strange too. Do you have any allergies, Ferb?"

"Purple petticoats that have been sitting out in the sun for fifteen minutes after being dipped in tomato juice." Ferb said.

"…Ferb wins." Perry said.

"He's kidding." Phineas said.

"It's hard to tell sometimes." Perry said.

"Anyway, we aren't going to be able to build the Buford Sanctuary tomorrow." Phineas said sadly.

"Because tomorrow your arm will be a plumpity plump." Ferb said.

Phineas smiled a little. "Chubbity plump."

"Plumpity plumple."

"Plumpy plumpit."

"Plumpery plumpkin."

"Okay, I'm gonna leave you two to your high-diction conversations. I have to go in to work. I'll be back in the afternoon." Perry said.

* * *

Perry had seen a lot of things.

He had seen cars fly, rollercoasters that stretched all over town, buildings turning into pineapple juice, giant floating baby heads, and random zebras.

But he had never expected to see what he saw when he opened the door to Lowe's office.

"YES, he is a professional. Physically it's a DANGER to him. …No, NO. I don't think so at all. You should have sent someone in with him! …Do not talk to me about insurance money. No. Just don't. Okay? You all should have boarded up that place the instant he… oh, you did? Excellent job. Someone managed to get past it. Yes. GREAT job. You're going to have to tear it down now if you want to find them. Sending him in alone! NO. No, I don't think so. GOODBYE, sir!"

Lowe slammed the phone down and sat down in his chair, wheezing uncontrollably.

"I'll come back later." Perry said quietly. He started to close the door.

Lowe turned to face him, the anger completely gone from his face. "Perry. No, it's f- _HIH_ -ine. Come- _HIH_ on in. Have a- _HIH_ seat."

Perry sat down on a couch and waited until Lowe stopped wheezing.

"Sorry about that." Lowe said calmly, adjusting his glasses. "A friend of mine is missing. He was sent to investigate a dangerous area without a partner, and he's crippled, so it's not good for him to be alone in places."

"I'm sorry." Perry said.

"He will be found." Lowe said. "Did you need something?"

"Yeah… I kind of woke up hysterical after this dream I had the other night."

"Hysterical?"

"Like… crying and I couldn't stop. It wasn't even a sad dream or anything. It was a memory… more like. Me and Terrence being together. And I was just thinking… the other day… I don't get why I'm not already over this. He's gone… but he's happy. And we had a good time together. And it's not like I'm never gonna see him again… this probably makes no sense, but believe me, I can see him again if I want to."

"You're talking to someone who can see ghosts everywhere." Lowe smiled. "I believe you."

Instinctively, Perry looked behind himself.

"It's not there. Don't worry. Go ahead."

"So… I just don't know why it still upsets me so much to remember him or… see things that remind me of him. It didn't just happen. It's been a long time now. I've seen him again since then. I know he's happy. I know he's always there for me. Why can't I just go on with my life and not be sad all the time? Why do I always have to be sad?"

Lowe thought for a moment.

"I think… that because of the way Terrence died, it's much harder on you than if he had passed away comfortably and happily. But we don't get to choose how we die. We only get to choose how we live. And Terrence wasn't done living. It wasn't his time. And I think you're reminded of that every time you remember him. You're reminded of all the ways he could have gone on with his life, all the ways his death could have been prevented. He meant a lot to you. You were close to him. And another reason could be that you never had any closure. You feel that he died without any respect for his life or how he lived."

"I hate funerals."

"Funerals don't work for everyone. Closure can be anything."

"…Fireworks." Perry said quietly. "I was thinking fireworks."  
Lowe nodded.

"…You think that would help? I won't be sad anymore?"

"You won't be as sad as you are now." Lowe said. "The feeling of loss never goes away unless you find something that fills the empty part of you. But it will take a lot of weight away from you."

Perry nodded slowly. "Thanks."

"You're welcome."

* * *

As Perry headed down the hall to the cafeteria, he passed many baby animals drawing things on the wall in permanent marker.

"Welcome to Devon's Daycare!" Devon said proudly. "Today we're learning about art!"

"That's nice, Dev." Perry said.

"If you ever need someone to watch your new pups…" Devon said.

"I'll let you know."

"Dial Devon!" Devon said.

"I'm drawing a butt." Baby Ned informed Perry.

* * *

"Egg noodles." Perry said happily, setting his tray down on a table. "I love them so much. They are wonderful."

Pinky smiled at him. "You seem cheery."

"I have egg noodles. Hey, Carrie, can you go get me another bowl of these? The cranky cafeteria lady won't let me get two portions. I'll give you the money."

"Um… okay." Carrie said.

Perry handed her a few dollars, and Carrie got back into the food line.

"Behold egg noodles in their purest form." Perry said. "Butter and salt. Anything more would contaminate its eggy goodness."

"You need a hobby." Darren the duck said.

"Guess what, guys?" Herman the hedgehog said. "I can toss egg noodles and catch them in my mouth."

Herman demonstrated.

"Cool." Peter said. He tried to do the same. His egg noodle hit the ceiling light and stuck there.

"The egg noodle force is not with you." Perry said.

* * *

"We had egg noodles." Perry said as he came in through the pet door.

Phineas waved at him with his free arm.

"Wow." Perry said. "I never knew an arm could grow so large."

"Yeah, it's like the same width as my torso." Phineas attempted to hold his other arm in front of his body. "Well, almost."

"How's the antbite itself?"

Phineas peeked at it under its bandaid. "It looks the same except it has more lumps around it."

"And the one giant lump that is your arm."

"Yep." Phineas began bumping his arm against the kitchen table. "I can't even feel it. It would be nice if it would bump open and all of the air would whoosh out and then my arm would be normal."

"I… I don't think that's how it works." Perry said.

Ferb entered the kitchen.

"Ferb, tell him to stop slamming his arm against the table. I keep picturing it popping and deflating."

Ferb grabbed hold of his brother's shoulders.

"Thank you." Perry said.

"Maybe I'll be Super Arm for Halloween." Phineas said.

"The swelling will go down way before Halloween." Ferb said. "It's not even October yet."

"So, how was work, Perry?" Phineas asked.

"It was weird. All they had me do was file a few papers and then I had lunch. Oh yeah, and Devon's Daycare was apparently having a draw-on-walls class. It's probably a good thing he's fixed."

"How did he break?" Phineas asked.

Perry looked at Ferb. "Is he kidding?"

"When we hear 'fix' we hear 'tools and carpentry'." Ferb said.

"Fixed means he can't have puppies anymore." Perry explained to Phineas.

Phineas frowned. "Wouldn't that be more like 'broken' though? Dogs are supposed to have puppies."

"That's a good point." Perry said. "Why is it called fixing anyway?"

"I want to deflate my arm." Phineas said.

"Please stop making me think up a mental image." Perry said. "Anyway, they didn't even brief me about a scheme or anything. Maybe Doof took the day off."

"Maybe my cow." Ferb said.

Phineas scratched his ear. "Yeah, I bet he did."

Perry narrowed his eyes at him.

Phineas was lying. He always looked nervous when he was lying. He hated to lie.

But Perry decided to let it go. Phineas was having a hard enough day as it was, and besides, Perry was too tired to try and force a confession out of him.

"Anyways, on the subject of daycare and puppies, I'm hoping I can get my new babies over here soon so you guys can see them."

"We'd love that!" Phineas said. "I bet they're so cute!"

"Do they look like you, Perry?" Ferb asked.

"They do." Perry said proudly. "Except, you know, cuter and tinier."

"I hope my kids look like me." Phineas said.

"Me too." Ferb said. "I shall name them Darth Kiki and Olivia. After me and my cow."

"Ferb!" Phineas said. "I know what we're gonna do today! We're gonna write a hit song called Me and My Cow!"

Ferb looked pleased. "Yes. Let's do that."

"Just so long as it's not anything like Billy Ghee." Perry said.

Ferb began to sing.

 _Me and my cow_

 _Walkin' down the walkway_

 _Me and my cow_

 _She moos and I say_

 _What a lovely lovely day for a broken dog_

 _To draw on walls_

 _And deflating arms_

 _Maybe my cow and I shall say_

 _You'll look like me one day_

Perry wiped a tear away from his eye. "That was beautiful."

"Ferb… you're a genius!" Phineas said.

Ferb bowed. "Thank you. Hold your applause."


	3. Chapter 3

Hans walked down the staircase, holding a small candle to illuminate the space in front of him. It was difficult to see where he was going.

He heard Matilda singing a song nearby. It sounded like she was in the living room.

"…And little Matilda, lovely Matilda, is coming now to say hello… little Matilda, lovely Matilda, once you stay you never go… Come now, come now, don't be shy… Tilda's here to cease your cries…"

Hans shrank back as her voice got closer. He wasn't in any mood to have a conversation with Matilda.

Matilda strode into the room, her hands behind her back. She slowly made her way past the staircase.

"I can see you, Hans."

Hans looked down at the floor.

Matilda continued her little song. She disappeared into the kitchen.

"Have you seen Roquefort, Tilde?" Hans called. "I can't find the library again. I think he may have moved it."

A glowing light came from the kitchen. He had made her angry. Whoops.

"All the books are in the living room nowwwww." Matilda said.

Her song began again, growing fainter until Hans could no longer hear her.

Hans headed into the living room. He still wished he knew where the library was. He loved that room.

Suddenly a man burst into the room, his face pale, his eyes wild. He looked straight at Hans.

Hans frowned. "You're not from here, are you?"

* * *

"What is with my head?" Perry said. "First it was some random dream about Monogram dancing with a bunch of bunnies around me. Then I had this dream about this singing lady attacking Doofenshmirtz. Then it was a dream about cows."

"Sorry." Ferb said. "Phineas and I wanted to see if the subconscious could respond to the conscious world, so I whispered 'cow' in your ear while you slept."

Perry yawned. "So why are you two awake? Did you have weird dreams too?"

"Yes." Ferb said. "See, there was this ostrich…"

"NO, Ferb!" Phineas covered his ears. "I don't want to hear about your ostrich dream again!"

"What's with YOUR head?" Perry asked. "Ostriches, cows…"

"Platypi." Ferb smiled.

"Let's just all go back to sleep." Phineas said, pulling the covers back over himself. "I'm tired."

"Hello, Tired." Ferb said.

Phineas grimaced. "Don't do that. I HATE when people do that."

"Wow, I had no idea there were things about each other you guys didn't know." Perry said.

"I only found out three years ago that Phineas hates zucchini." Ferb said.

"And I only found out recently that Ferb didn't actually build your lair." Phineas said.

Ferb rolled his eyes.

"The things you learn about people." Perry hopped into bed with Ferb and curled up next to him. "G'night, boys."

"Night, Perry." Phineas said.

"Wurny the Purr." Ferb said.

"DON'T start that again." Perry said.

* * *

Lowe sat down in the middle of Danville graveyard and closed his eyes, listening.

A crow was cawing about lemon juice. A slight breeze ruffled the trees.

And finally, voices.

 _Disturbing us…?_

 _…Sitting near my space, how rude…_

 _What is meant by this?_

 _The moon!_

Lowe stood up and took a few steps forward until he was directly in front of a large headstone.

 _HERE LIES ROSARIO PHANTASMO_

 _WHO WENT ON AMONG THE LIVING_

 _EVEN AFTER HE WAS GONE_

Lowe reached into his coat pocket and sprinkled some breadcrumbs in front of the headstone.

The headstone shook. Smoke began pouring from its sides.

The top of the ghost of a very fat cat emerged.

"Breadcrumbbsss?" Rosario asked.

He looked down at Lowe.

"Loweeeeee. Nice to see youuuuu. I had a talk with your father recentlyyy."

"I've come for a little assistance, Rosario." Lowe said. "I think it has come to the point where I may need to enter Thirty-Seven Oakrent myself."

"Nooooo." Rosario rose out of his grave completely, revealing the rest of his round body. "It's dangerrouusss."

"Yes, it is." Lowe said. "I am aware of that. Yet I am willing to take the risk if no one else will. Innocent lives must be saved."

"You are a selfless, wonderful creatureeee." Rosario said. "My family is quite in your debbtttt."

Lowe smiled and shook his head.

"You want information, I presummeeee?"

"Yes."

A young hedgehog ghost began to float up into the air behind Rosario. "The moon! I am going to the moon!"

"Do not ever call anyone because specters can mimic their voiceeeee." Rosario said. "Do not disturb the specters that do not notice youuuu. Stay away from the ones that repeat themselves or seem to have an obsession with a certain objecttt. Do not get noticed by Ludwig Roqueforttt. And Loweeeee?"

"Yes?"

"Neverrrr letttt theee soongggg ennnddd." Rosario breathed. "If you fail, and you hear the footstepssssss… you must runnnn."

Thunder crashed, and the young hedgehog squealed. He plunged back into the safety of his grave.

"Bring someone with youuuu." Rosario said quietly. "It is dangerousss."

"I have no one." Lowe said.

"You have meeee." Rosario said. "I will not let you fallllll."  
Rosario twisted into a puff of smoke and vanished.

Lowe buttoned his coat up and began to pick his way out of the graveyard.

* * *

"Forty-seven!" The agents chanted. "Forty-eight!"

Baby Ned did not open his mouth.

"Cut it out, Ned. You'll pass out." Pinky said.

Baby Ned breathed out. "No, I can hold my bweaf fifteen minutes before I even turn puwple."

"All the same, you shouldn't try it." Pinky said. "Where's Devon?"

"Daycare has been cancewed." Baby Ned said. "Devon's going out with his giwlfwiend."

"EEEWWW." The new recruits squealed.

Perry came into the main room. "Have you guys seen Monogram?"

"He went that way." Pinky pointed toward the hallway. "You staying for lunch again, Perry?"

"Yeah… I guess so. I haven't had a mission in three days."

"AGENT P!" Ernest the eagle shouted. "Come into my office."

"The flittering eagle has an office now?" Perry muttered. "Great. There goes my day."

* * *

"Your fortune-telling book is so awesome, Isabella!" Phineas said. "Who knew you could tell fortunes with crayons?"

"It is quite interesting." Baljeet said.

"Whose fortune should we tell next?" Isabella asked.

"Ooh!" Buford said. "Do me! Do me!"

"Okay, your name starts with B… and now I must concentrate very hard on you…" Isabella took a green crayon out of her art box and began to color on a spot in her fortune-telling book.

The color turned gray.

"You will eat cake today." Isabella said.

"Come on." Buford said. "It's not my birthday or anything."

Isabella's mother came into the room. "Hello, kids! I made cake. Would any of you like some?"

"Ooh! Buford would!" Buford jumped up and followed Mrs. Garcia-Shapiro into her kitchen.

"Woah, right again, Isabella!" Phineas said.

"We've already done Ferb, Baljeet… hey, Phineas, maybe we should do…"

"…Perry's fortune!"

"…A fortune together. …Oh, okay. So… Perry. Let's all concentrate on Perry." Isabella pulled out a pink crayon and began to color.

The color turned bright red… and then deep black.

"What does that mean?" Phineas said. "We've never gotten THAT before."

Isabella checked the back of her book. "No more innocence. Complete fear and terror is about to hit you. Brace yourself."

"How can fear and terror hit you?" Ferb scoffed. "They're not even people."

"Maybe it's a personification fortune." Phineas said, looking worried. "But I think… Ferb, I think we had better find Perry."

* * *

"What do you mean I've been assigned to a new villain?" Perry demanded.

"I've been trying to tell you, Agent P. Heinz Doofenshmirtz is DEAD. Gone. You can't FIGHT him when he's DEAD."

"He's not dead. I would know if he was."

"Are you sure? Because you're not 'knowing' it now. He's been gone for a very long time and no one can find him. There's no other explination."

"Maybe he's stuck somewhere-"

"Maybe he is. But even if he is alive, you have still been reassigned to Dr. Drasticlips."

"But when he comes back, I switch back?"

Ernest sighed. "Agent P, I don't see why this is so difficult to understand. You. Have. Been. Reassigned. Move on."

"I don't WANT to be reassigned and I'm NOT just gonna forget about Doofenshmirtz!" Perry snapped.

"Control your voice-"

"I will NOT-"

Ernest pointed at him. "ONE MORE WORD and you're on suspension."

Perry closed his mouth.

Ernest smiled. "Good."

* * *

Perry didn't even know where he was.

Wasn't punching Ernest in the face supposed to make him feel better? Why was he wandering around helplessly without any idea where he was heading or what to think?

He knew he was on a street near Darren's street, but that was about it. He hadn't been here before.

Perry kicked at a rock on the sidewalk, pretending it was Ernest's head. The rock fell into a gutter. Perry finally looked up from the sidewalk.

He saw Lowe standing in front of an iron gate.

"…Lowe?" Perry asked.

Lowe turned to look at him. "Perry… how did you get here?"

"I don't know. Lowe… I… I got suspended… I'm so confused right now…"

"I'm so sorry, Perry, but I can't talk right now." Lowe said. "I'll see you in a few days at most. Go home and res-"

The gate suddenly swung open, hitting Lowe in the head. Perry ran over to him.

"You okay?" Perry asked.

Lowe sat up, rubbing his head. "Fine. You need to head home, Perry…"

"Welcome." A cold voice said.

Perry looked up. A man with his face completely covered by a hat was standing in front of them.

"Come in."


	4. Chapter 4

The man forcibly shoved Perry and Lowe into a living room.

"Please." He said. "Make yourselves comfortable."

"Who the heck are you and what is the meaning of this?" Perry snapped.

"It's all right, Perry." Lowe put a hand on his shoulder. He turned to the man. "Thank you."

"You're welcome." The man bowed his head… and vanished.

"Where the heck are we?" Perry demanded. "Why did… why did he just disappear into nothing? How-"

"I'm so sorry, Perry." Lowe shook his head. "I didn't mean to drag you into this."

"Where is the front door?" Perry ran his hands over the walls. "There used to be a door. We came IN through a door. What is this place?"

"Thirty-Seven Oakrent." Lowe said. "Please, Perry. Try to remain calm. Let me explain."

Shaking with fury and confusion, Perry sat down on a couch. Lowe sat down across from him in an armchair.

"This is where my friend disappeared." Lowe said. "I came here to try and help him get out. My friend's name is Tory. He's a ghost specialist, and he declared Thirty-Seven Oakrent to be dangerously haunted two years ago after inspecting it. Unfortunately… Doofenshmirtz, your nemesis, entered for one reason or another, and… Tory was sent to find him after he didn't come back. I am afraid that because Tory is handicapped, and Doofenshmirtz has no experience with ghosts… they may have not been able to escape. There was no one else to send after them, so I came here tonight hoping to find them and help them escape. That was why I tried to get you to leave."

"Are we… are we stuck here? Lowe, why did you come if you were just gonna get trapped in a room with no door to the outside?"

"If you can enter a home without a ghost noticing, the door usually remains intact." Lowe said sadly. "Unfortunately, we were found by the doorman."

Perry focused on a portrait above the fireplace mantle. It was a picture of a thin-faced man with a cruel smile.

"…Are we gonna be able to get out?" Perry asked.

"It's not impossible." Lowe said.

...

"Today at Devon's Daycare, we're creating Halloween posters for the OWCA Halloween Party!" Devon said.

Darren stared at the baby agents scribbling on large sheets of paper.

"Halloween's practically a month away." Darren said.

"Nuh-uh!" Devon said. "Only a few days until October! THEN it will be a month away!"

Darren rolled his eyes.

"Where's my stupid brother?" Lodi the fennec fox suddenly asked, making a baby agent jump and knock over a jar of crayons. "I went to his office and he was gone."

"Maybe he left his office." Darren said.

"Please, he practically lives in there." Lodi blew a gum bubble. "I'm glad I at least have a life."

"You're always in Carl's closet." Devon said quietly.

"Last I saw him, he was leaving the agency." Kyle said. "Shortly before Perry got a three-day suspension and left as well."

Lodi popped her gum bubble and began chewing it again. "Well, if you see him, tell him I wanna talk to him. He left his stupid coat in my room."

"Let's play Knot!" Peter said, bringing out a mat with colored squares on it.

"YAY!" The new recruits said.

"Peter's Playtime is taking away business from Devon's Daycare." Devon said, narrowing his eyes. "He wants to play hardball? Fine."

"Why do I even talk to you?" Darren asked.

...

"We need to find a spot with no ghosts." Lowe said. "That will be our safe place."

Perry was gripping tightly onto Lowe's paw. He kept feeling cold air brush against him. He tried not to look at everything around him. The portraits on the walls were very creepy, and they seemed to change into even more disturbing images as Perry passed them.

"No ghosts?" He asked.

"They're in these halls." Lowe pointed to his glasses. "I can see them."

Perry shuddered as another cold wind rushed past him.

"They appear to be harmless so far." Lowe said. "I haven't seen any that seem to be… well. Anyway, we'll try to stay away from the ones that seem to be like my father."

Perry was furious with himself for being so nervous. An elite animal agent freaking out over a couple of ghosts. It was ridiculous.

"It's all right, Perry." Lowe said. "It's all right. We'll stay together. We'll find Doofenshmirtz and Tory and we'll get out of here."

Perry wasn't sure who Lowe was trying to comfort: Perry, or himself.

Lightning flashed, and for a moment Perry saw a girl sitting in a rocking chair. The room became dark again. The rocking chair was empty.

"I feel like… I've been able to see some ghosts before." Perry said.

"Some reveal themselves freely." Lowe said. "Others have no control over whether they are seen or not. Lightning- or any light that shines directly on them- usually does the trick."

For some reason, Perry felt even more frightened after hearing this.

"Look there. There's a friendly one." Lowe removed his glasses and put them over Perry's eyes.

Perry saw a little puppy ghost hopping around in front of them, yapping cheerfully. Perry gave a nervous laugh.

"It's cute." He said.

Lowe took his glasses back and put them on. He put his hand over a wooden door next to a portrait of a young woman.

"In here. The door's warm. There are no spirits in here."

Perry followed him into the room, and Lowe closed the door. A small candle was sitting on a bedside table. They were the only items in the room.

Perry was still shaking. He sat down on the floor.

"It will be all right." Lowe sat down next to him.

"Doofenshmirtz… if… if I'm like this, he must… he must be terrified."

"We'll find him." Lowe said. "We'll stay together, and we'll find him."

"Most of the ghosts are nice… right?"

Lowe nodded. "After his initial investigation of this house, Tory found many of the ghosts to be perfectly fine. Some had repetitive patterns, but he didn't think they were dangerous. There are only two he thought to be dangerous. I don't want to say their names or it could summon them here. But you need to be careful if you hear singing, okay? Go away from the voice. Many non-dangerous ghosts sing, but it's better to be careful. And we'll stay low in the house. We must try to avoid the higher floors."

"What if we get separated?" Perry asked.

"Don't worry. I'll make sure we stay together."

...

 _Peter was playing with new recruits in a parachute._

 _FUN._

 _Peter was blowing bubbles. New recruits ran after them in delight._

 _WONDER._

 _Peter was eating a sandwich._

 _PETER._

 _YOU CAN TRUST PETER WITH YOUR BABY ANIMALS ANYTIME. PETER'S PLAYTIME. TAKE YOUR CHILDREN TO US AND NOT DEVON'S DAYCARE. THIS MESSAGE IS SUPPORTED BY THE SAVE THE PANDAS FUND._

"Unbelievable." Devon said, pausing the commercial and turning to his audience. "This is a direct attack on Devon's Daycare."

"And on bubbles. One of the new recruits popped one." Carrie said.

"Devon, I wish we cared, but we really don't." Darren said. "Why are we here?"

"We're Team Devon." Devon explained. "Together we will put Devon's Daycare back in business."

"YAAAYY Devon!" Baby Ned said, pumping his fin.

"Why is he here?" Pinky asked.

"Free popcorn." Devon said. He tossed a piece of popcorn to Baby Ned, who caught it in his mouth. "Thanks for coming, Ned."

"If I get my own popcownie bag I'll considew joining yow cause." Baby Ned said.

"You're hiring mercenaries?" Darren said.

"Yes, and friends." Devon said. "If any of you have kids, you are obligated to take them to Devon's Daycare and NOT Peter's Playtime because you guys are my friends."

"If I could get my kitten back I would." Carrie said quietly.

There was an awkward silence.

"We have to put up a defense." Devon said. "Make a stand. We'll make our own commercial. Baby Ned, gather all the new recruits you can find. Darren, find some film equipment. Carrie, do whatever you want. Pinky… do something. Let's DO THIS!"

...

"Perry?" Phineas called. "Perry!"

Ferb walked a little behind Phineas, taping LOST PLATYPUS posters anywhere he could find a free spot.

"Maybe he's on a mission." Ferb said.

"But… but Isabella's fortune." Phineas said.

"It's a coloring book." Ferb said. "We'll find him."

Phineas shook his head and kept going. "Perry? Perry, where are you? PERRY!"

Ferb taped a poster to a policeman's back.

"PERRY!"

Ferb taped a poster to Paul Bunyan's giant ox display.

"Ferb, that's good enough." Phineas sat down on the curb with his head in his hands. "We'll never find him."

"Maybe he went to his girlfriend's for the night or something." Ferb said. "His babies WERE just born recently, after all."

"That is true." Phineas sat up. "Do you think we should look for him there?"

"We should probably knock first, but yes." Ferb said.

"Ferrrb!" Phineas swatted at him.

Ferb laughed.

...

Perry did not like waking up.

"No… good dream… happy dream…"

"Perry, I know." Lowe said gently. "I'm sorry. You need to wake up. We need to go to another spot."

"No."

"I know you're tired, Perry. Come on."

Perry rubbed his eyes and sat up, blinking slowly.

"Come on." Lowe said gently. He pulled Perry up and helped him walk forward.

Perry heard a voice in the distance. It seemed to be coming closer.

"Little Matilda, lovely Matilda, is coming now to say hello… little Matilda, lovely Matilda, once you stay you never go…"

"Who is that?" Perry murmured.

"We need to go, Perry."

They began to walk at a faster pace. Lowe led him down a hallway, making a few random turns. Eventually the voice sounded like it was going in a different direction. Then it stopped completely.

Perry still wasn't fully aware of what happened. Lowe pushed a door open, and Perry stumbled inside.

"You can go back to sleep." Lowe said. "I'll keep watch for you."

"Thanks." Perry mumbled. He lay down on the floor and closed his eyes. "Thanks for saving… me from the dangerous one… I'll be more freaked out about it when I'm awake."


	5. Chapter 5

Perry dreamed he was eating Candace's dinner, and Candace was screaming at him. The boys had invented a Jeremy-inator from equipment they bought at Jeremy-Mart.

 _Little Matilda, lovely Matilda, is coming now to say hello… little Matilda, lovely Matilda, once you stay you never go…_

Perry was annoyed that the singing lady was back. Couldn't anyone finish a dream in peace?

 _Come now, come now, don't be shy… Tilda's here to cease your cries…_

Why wasn't Lowe waking him up? Perry didn't even care about the dream anymore.

The voice became louder, and suddenly it sounded like someone was broadcasting it through the whole room they were in. Perry tried desperately to wake up, but he couldn't get out of his dream.

"You tried to wake, but you are late, Matilda can't wait any more…"

Perry's dream changed. He was in a hallway, and he heard faint footsteps.

He tried to go the other way, but the hallway was cut off.

The footsteps came closer and closer, and something came around the corner.

The footsteps stopped.

Perry couldn't see what it was, but he knew that whatever it was wasn't good...

* * *

Perry finally jolted awake. He was relieved to see that he was still in the safe room. He didn't remember a door being on the left side of the room, though.

"Lowe… where are we?" Perry turned around.

Lowe was not there.

"LOWE!"

His voice echoed through the room. He heard a few female screeches in the distance.

The door on the left side of the room had vanished. Now there was a door on the right side.

Perry felt the room get colder. He ran for the door and tried to open it- but it was locked.

Suddenly he heard a voice.

"Ohhhh dearr, are you unable to get out?"

The voice was loud. Perry could hear it as clearly as if someone were standing right behind him with a microphone.

Perry froze.

The voice gave an evil laugh. "Poor thing. Come now. I'll help you."

Perry didn't respond.

He suddenly felt a cold hand wrap around his waist and lift him off the ground. Perry was too terrified to move. He felt his back press against a shoulder… felt something like frozen hair… and another cold hand supporting his legs.

Perry tried to speak, but he couldn't get any words to come out of his throat.

"…Lowe." He finally said.

"Lowe?" The specter laughed again. "That's not my name. We have no spirits here named Lowe. Well… not yet."

Perry shuddered. "…He… he… I… don't…"

"Oh, do try not to speak." The voice said. "It will only make you feel lonelier."

They walked through the front wall and headed down a corridor. Perry shut his eyes as they passed by statues and paintings.

"A few portraits of our fellow residents." The voice said pleasantly.

Perry didn't want to see them, and he had no idea how to get himself into a position that made him feel safe. Being held by an evil snowman wasn't exactly comforting.

"The lovely dining room." The voice said.

Perry peeked through his fingers. He saw a completely empty dining room, save for a small cart that was wheeling itself to other tables.

"And in here…" They turned and passed through another wall. "We have a very nice selection of bathrooms."

Perry covered his eyes for a different reason this time.

"We do have stall doors, to address your concerns. This way…"

The ghost took him through at least seven different rooms. In some of them, objects appeared to be floating in midair. Perry saw a few ghosts that weren't terribly frightening.

Finally, they came to a balcony looking out over a music room. Cheerful ragtime music was playing from a piano. A tambourine floating in midair was keeping the beat.

It was the only room in the mansion Perry was fine with being in.

"Oh dear. I must go. I am needed elsewhere." Perry was set back down on the ground, and the voice fell silent.

Perry didn't know what to feel. On the one hand, he was no longer in the arms of some psychotic ghost. On the other, it appeared that the ghost knew his way around this place and Perry was at risk of getting stuck again without him.

He carefully climbed down the balcony stairs and peered at the self-playing instruments.

"Hey, man." A voice by the piano said. "Come on down. We won't hurt ya. You know how to play guitar? All we can play is ragtime, and we want to mix it up a little."

Perry cautiously made his way over. The instruments stopped playing.

A guitar rose up from its holder and floated over to him. It stopped just in front of his face.

"Go on now." The piano voice said. "Take it."

Appeasing the ghosts seemed like the only course of action. Perry took the guitar from the ghost and slipped the strap over his back. "Uh... okay. What do I play?"

"Just anything you like. We'll match it." The piano ghost said. "Ah-one, ah-two, ah-one-two-three…"

They began to play. At first their notes were jumbled together, but eventually Perry and the ghosts were able to create what sounded like a kind of song. The only thing ruining it was the tambourine ghost, who kept slamming the tambourine off-tempo against her hip.

The piano ghost started to sing.

 _A mind is a funny thing_

 _It can tell you how you'd laugh and sing_

 _And tell you what you don't want to hear_

 _But what do you do_

 _When your one source of truth_

 _Has been lying to you all these years_

 _What do you do_

 _When you can't trust yourself_

 _When your memories fade away_

 _And become something else_

 _What do you do_

 _When all you know isn't true_

 _And the truth fades away, fades away..._

After they finished, all of the ghosts clapped, save for the tambourine ghost, who just slapped her tambourine.

"Um… Thanks." Perry swallowed. "...You know, if all of the ghosts here were like you, this would be an okay place to be stuck in."

"Well, thanks man." The piano ghost said. "While it's true that there aren't any spirits in here who jam as well as we do, there are still quite a lot who will be glad to help you out if they get the chance."

Suddenly a voice broke through their conversation.

 _Little Matilda, lovely Matilda, is coming now to say hello… little Matilda, lovely Matilda, once you stay you never go…_

"MY WATERMELON!" The tambourine ghost shouted. The tambourine crashed to the floor, and Perry heard the sound of many shoes running for the wall.

And then silence.

Until Perry heard another voice in his head.

" _Run, my friend. Run_."

Perry didn't need to be told twice. He ran in the direction he had come with the other ghost, expecting to find himself in the candle-lit hallway they had been in before.

Instead he found himself in a room filled with mirrors and a television set. The television channels were changing rapidly, and facing the set was a floating remote.

Perry looked in one of the mirrors. He saw himself…

With a grave-looking woman standing behind him.

Perry yelped, clunking into the woman in his attempt to run away. He streaked past the television set, knocking the remote from the ghost's hand.

"Hey!" The ghost said. "It's still my TV time!"

Perry made it to the next room and slammed the door behind him, breathing heavily. He looked around.

Well, this room looked much creepier.

There was a large coffin on the right side of the room. On the other side were portraits of gargoyles. A candle-lit chandelier in the center of the ceiling provided light.

Perry started to make his way toward the door at the end of the room.

"HELP ME! DON'T GO!"

Perry jumped. The lid of the coffin began to rise- but only partially. It was still nailed down at the bottom. A scarred paw was attempting to push it up.

Perry screamed. He jumped onto the top of the lid and slammed it back down.

"NO, I'M NOT DEAD! HELP ME! PLEASE! HELP ME!"

"I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS PLACE!" Perry shouted back, punching the lid of the coffin so hard his hand started to hurt. "YOU ARE STAYING IN THAT COFFIN, YOU HEAR ME? DUMB, STUPID GHOSTS, DUMB HALF-DEAD..."

"PLEASE! PLEASE! I'M NOT DEAD! I DON'T BELONG HERE! THE GHOSTS…"

Perry stopped yelling.

"Okay." He said, trying to calm himself down. "Prove it."

"...The ghosts trapped me in here." The coffin-dweller said. "I've been trying to get out for days. I managed to get that first part of the lid up… please. Please don't leave me in here."

Perry took a deep breath and climbed down. "Put your hands at your sides. Do NOT pop out or I am closing this back up."

"Okay."

Perry carefully pried the lid back up and peeked inside.

A grey cat looked back up at him, a nervous smile on his face. "See?" He said quietly. "Not a zombie. Not a ghost... just a cat."

"Sorry I overreacted." Perry said, embarrassed. "I'm just… I'm so done with this place." He reached into his fedora and pulled out a couple tools.

After a few minutes, he was able to pry the lid free. The cat climbed out. He was very thin and was wearing bunny slippers.

He walked forward a little, but it looked like it hurt him to do so. Balancing himself against the coffin with one hand, he held his other hand out to Perry.

"So sorry… I should have been much calmer so as not to scare you. I just was so excited to hear someone come in… thank you."

"You're welcome. And sorry I got so freaked out there." Perry took his hand. "I'm Perry."

The cat shook it. "I'm Victorio Phantasmo. But you can call me Tory."


	6. Chapter 6

"Tory…" Perry said. "So… you're Lowe's friend?"

"Lois is here?" Tory asked, brightening.

"Yeah. Or, well… he was. We kind of got separated. I don't know how."

"Oh no." Tory frowned. "I hope he's okay. It's a good thing he brought someone with him to come after me. Thank you again, my friend. Perry, was it? I'm bad with names."

"Yeah. Man, that must have been terrifying, trapped in that coffin. Are you all right?"

"I'm fine." Tory said, laughing. "Yeah, it wasn't my favorite experience. I wasn't able to outrun this one specter that came after me."

"Is that why you're wearing slippers?"

Tory nodded. "It's impossible for me to walk on solid ground. My pawpads are condensed, and it makes it very difficult and painful to walk."

"Never heard of that."

"It's an odd, long story. I'm sorry. I'll be such a pain to drag around… but I can make up for it with ghost knowledge."

"I'm happy for the company." Perry said. "A guy could go crazy on his own in here. I met a few nice ghosts… and this one weird one that tried to take me around everywhere…"

Tory frowned. "Physically picked you up?"

"Yeah. He helped me get out of this room I was stuck in… the door was locked. And then he basically took me around and left me in the music room."

"Voice?"

"Deepish… kind of loud, like he was Broadcasting Live from Perry's Head. Is that bad?"

Tory's face had gone pale.

"…Is that bad?" Perry repeated.

"Well… if he didn't do anything to you, no… That ghost is one of the two dangerous ones here. He was the first one here. The one who locked me in there." Tory pointed at the coffin.

"HE did that? He didn't seem THAT evil when he was…"

"He must have liked you." Tory said. "There are cases when ghosts become attached to some mortals and have no desire at all to harm them."

"So he's the owner of this house?"

"Yes. His name was…" Tory mouthed LUDWIG ROQUEFORT and continued speaking. "…and he just appeared here one day when the home did. This place has been terribly haunted since his death. He always got lost in here, and it annoyed him to no end." Tory shook his head. "But as a ghost he could move things around in his home…he'd never be lost. If he wanted to go to the library, he could simply walk from wherever he was through any wall he pleased to the library."

"So that's why the rooms shift. Dang..."

Tory laughed. "Well, seeing as you're not locked up or injured, I'd say that you don't have to be afraid of him."

"Good to know." Perry said. "But no matter what, I wanna get out of here. This is reminding me WAAYYY too much of a ride I went on and hated once."

"It's gonna be a long ride." Tory said.

* * *

"They're so cute." Phineas said, rubbing the tummy of a baby platypus. "They're like mini-Perries."

"They ARE mini-Perries." Ferb said.

"Which one is which again?" Phineas asked.

Prince stared at them for a moment. Then she scribbled PASCAL and PANDORA on two sheets of paper and held them over each one.

"Oh, so I'm holding Pandora." Phineas patted Pandora on the head. "Aww, she's adorable."

"So where's Perry?" Ferb asked.

Prince gave a shrug.

"You don't know?" Phineas asked. "We thought he'd be here. He hasn't come home."

Prince shook her head.

Pandora hiccupped.

"Well." Phineas said sadly. "I guess we really don't know where he is. Should we call the agency next?"

Prince nodded and chattered something.

"Our translators only work for Perry." Phineas explained. "And on occasion other platypuses who have the same chatter accent as he does."

Prince turned the PANDORA paper over and wrote on the back. _WHEN YOU FIND HIM TELL HIM I SAID I LOVE YOU_.

"Awwwwww." Phineas said. "Isn't that sweet, Ferb?"

"Perry's girlfriend is hitting on you." Ferb said.

Phineas kicked him. "You know what she meant, Ferb."

* * *

"Just a little more… You got this…" Tory said to himself.

Tory was right about decreasing Perry's pace. They were going at a steady rate of about .001 miles per hour.

Perry felt sorry for Tory, but at the same time it was kind of nice to watch Tory being so optimistic and encouraging himself.

"Where do you think Lowe could have gone? Or Doofenshmirtz?"

"I really can't say." Tory said. "We'd have to think of the most logical place a certain ghost would take them… but first we'd have to figure out WHICH ghost took them, and there are hundreds to choose from."

Perry sighed.

"It's also possible that a ghost is leading him to the exit. Doofenshmirtz, I mean. Lowe wouldn't have left you. Heeeerreeeee… weeee…. arreeee…"

Perry opened the door and helped Tory limp inside. Tory sat down on the floor and leaned against the wall. "Wonderful. Thanks for the help."

Perry closed the door and sat down next to him. "Lowe and I slept in shifts. Well… I never got to my shift, because Lowe vanished… but if you wanna sleep first, you can… I'll keep watch."

"I am very glad to not be in a coffin." Tory said, yawning. "I'll take you up on that sleeping first offer. I'm afraid if I take the first shift I'll fall asleep on you and we'll both be doomed, so I'm not being selfish."

Perry laughed. "Good excuse. I'll wake you up when I get tired or if something happens."

"Mkay." Tory closed his eyes. "Hope Lois is doing all right."

"He was super-worried about you, too. I've never seen him angry before, and he was just downright furious about the authorities letting you go in here alone."

Tory smiled. "Lois and I go way back. He came to me years ago asking for help with his father. So far, he remains my only ghost client."

"He's alive now. He was only half-dead before."

"Shoulda known. How did you run into him?"

"I was sent to him after I broke everything in the agency's bathroom. He's the agency's psychiatrist-therapist. I'm not crazy, though."

"Of course not, my friend. Sometimes you just need someone to talk to."

"Did you forget my name again?"

"Yes. Purry…?"

"Perry."

"Right. Sorry."

"It's okay. Memories can be weird. Mine's obsessed with detail and such because of my training, so I'm kind of abnormal and remember a bunch of pointless stuff. Like… I remember what I had for breakfast last Tuesday."

"I have problems remembering new things." Tory said. "I can remember old friends and such perfectly. New names, new faces… it takes me at least a few days to get them down."

"Doofenshmirtz…" Perry shook his head. "I swear. He should have known to stay away from that place. When I find him, I am gonna give him SUCH a punch in the face…"

Tory closed his eyes again. "You're a good friend, going after him."

"We're gonna need to find food soon. I haven't eaten in a while…"

Tory didn't respond. Perry pulled a deck of cards out from his pocket and began shuffling them.

Solitaire… good for keeping yourself entertained when you didn't have anyone else to be with.

Perry played it often.

* * *

"Thank you, Agent E." Monogram said, taking the cappuccino from Ernest and setting it on his desk. "That was very kind of you."

Ernest saluted.

"Carl, why don't YOU ever do anything useful?" Monogram snapped.

Carl sighed.

"Ernest, will you do me one more favor and call Agent P to remind him his suspension is over? He didn't come into work this morning." Monogram took a sip of his drink and began arranging agent files.

Ernest saluted again, flinching internally. Wonderful. Not having to deal with Perry was preferable. Especially since Perry got suspended for punching him in the first place… that agent needed to learn when to keep his mouth shut and how to respect his superiors.

Nevertheless, Ernest headed into the phoning room. Avery the anteater looked at him curiously.

"I need the phone numbers for Agent P, platypus, male." Ernest said firmly.

Avery printed up three phone numbers and handed them to Ernest. Ernest dialed Perry's cell first and waited while the phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Agent P, this-"

"Oh, sorry, I'm not actually here right now. This is an answering machine. Leave a message. Pointless, though. I never check my messages. I'm a rebel. If I actually want to talk to you, I'll call you back. If not, I either forgot about you or don't car- PHINEAS! TURN OFF THAT DUCKY MOMO DOLL! Anyway. Leave a message."

Ernest hung up and tried the home phone.

"This is the Flynn-Fletcher household. Leave-"

Ernest hung up again. He tried the third number.

This time he got an answer. "What?"

"This is a message for Agent P." Ernest said. "I was told this was his second home phone."

"Fine, but he's not here right now. Who is this?"

"This is Security Agent E from the O.W.C.A calling to let Agent P know his suspension is over."

"…He got suspended from the agency? Crud, that could be why he disappeared…"

"Disappeared?" Ernest asked. "What do you mean? Who are you?"

"The person you called. Name's Prince. Perry's my guy. Haven't seen him in a few days. He was supposed to come by."

"You have no idea where he is?"

"If I did, I would have said I'd seen him. His owners were down here yesterday asking about him too."

"…I see. Thank you, Princess."

"Don't EVER call me that again. Prince."

"Have some respect for O.W.C.A agents." Ernest snapped.

"Only one of them is sane." Prince retorted. "That's why I quit."

Ernest heard a dial tone. He slammed the phone down, feeling very empty all of a sudden.

Perry had been very upset that day… Ernest hoped he hadn't gone off and done something rash. Ever since that day Perry's owners had been caught in an explosion… Perry had tried to throw himself into a chasm… ever since then… Ernest had begun to worry about him even more than he had before. And that stupid psychiatrist of his was so slow. _Perry needs to come to me, Ernest. I can't just call him in every time. He'll stop trusting me. He'll get better. But we can't push it_.

It made him furious. He didn't WANT to worry about anyone. He was a security agent. Security agents were fearless.

 _But you worried about Benedict. And now he's gone. And because of you, the one agent that reminded you of him is probably gone, too._

Ernest crumpled up the phone numbers and tossed them in the wastebasket. He was going to inform Monogram that Agent P was nowhere to be found. They would get to the bottom of it. It was useless to worry.

Useless.


	7. Chapter 7

"Here she is." Tory said, pulling a newspaper clipping from the middle of his notebook. "This is her. I'm certain. Have you ever seen her? There's a picture."

"I've never seen her." Perry said. "I've just heard her."

"Take a look." Tory handed the clipping to Perry. "Lucky, huh? I go through every old newspaper and cut out obituaries for my studies. They come in handy when identifying certain ghosts."

Perry began to read. The clipping included a picture of a very pretty young woman with a grim expression.

 _REGINSONS, MATILDA_

 _Ms. Reginsons passed away alone in her one-person home on Oakrent Street, Danville, two nights ago. Ms. Reginsons was well-known for being a dream therapist and aspiring singer. Nancy Barbara Jane, a client of Reginsons, recalls "She always liked to talk about how strange dreams were… your mind could conjure up images of things that would never, ever happen… and they could either confuse or scare the dickens out of you. She will be missed."_

"So she's the singing one?" Perry said, handing the clip back to Tory.  
"From what you told me, I believe so." Tory said.

"I just don't understand what happened to Lowe."

"Me neither… not yet, anyway. You saw her in a dream?"

"No, I heard her. And then I heard footsteps. Something coming around a corner in my dream… but I couldn't see it."

"Strange."

"I felt like it would have scared me badly if I had seen it."

"Hmm." Tory yawned. "Sorry I slept so much. If you'd like to take a nap, I'll keep watch."

"I'm fine." Perry said. "I feel fine. Just hungry."

"If we can locate the kitchen, we may be able to find something we can actually eat." Tory said.

* * *

"Plumpity plump plump plumpity plump, look at my brother's arm grow…" Ferb sang.

"Oh, be quiet, Ferb." Phineas said, bonking his arm against Ferb's elbow.

"Perhaps for Halloween, your arm can be a plump pumpkin."

Phineas laughed. "Plumpkin!"

"Plumpity plump." Ferb said. He stopped walking and stared down at the sidewalk.

Phineas followed Ferb's gaze.

Perry's collar was in front of them.

Phineas turned to the building nearby: A large mansion. The entire front yard appeared to be a graveyard. A skeleton hung from a dead tree. The shutters on the windows were broken.

"The Plumpkin Mansion." Ferb said.

"Perry's in there." Phineas said. "I know he is. We have to help him."

Ferb put a hand on his shoulder, pulling him back. "It looks a bit... haunted. Perhaps we should prepare before we go in."

* * *

"Well, this isn't a kitchen." Perry said.

He and Tory were standing in front of a small stream. An elephant ghost drank merrily from the water. Two monkey ghosts swung from branches that disappeared as soon as they let go of them.

Perry bent down and drank from the stream. He was pleased to find it was actually made of water. He had been incredibly thirsty.

Tory looked a little dubious.

"The water's fine." Perry said. "It's wonderful."

Tory knelt down beside the water and began to lap it up.

They drank for a long time.

Finally, Tory stood up and wiped his mouth. When he began to talk again, Perry was surprised to discover his voice wasn't naturally hoarse. "…Wonderful… water is amazing when you really need it."

Perry looked at his reflection in the stream.

"Weird… there's a guy behind me."

The man behind him had ginger hair, glasses, and a curious expression on his face. He reached forward.

"Out of the way!" Tory shouted, shoving Perry to the side.

Perry pushed himself back up, spitting out bits of dirt. He turned around.

Tory was gone.

Perry choked in despair. How could he have been so stupid? He knew there was a ghost behind him. Why hadn't he just moved out of the way? Now Tory was gone again… and Perry was alone again.

A boat shimmered into existence in front of Perry.

Perry looked around. What choice did he have? The doors were gone again, and he didn't really want to hang around and risk Matilda Reginsons catching up to him.

Perry climbed into the boat. As soon as he was on board, a hole opened up in the wall and the boat began to sail through it.

It became dark.

The only sound Perry could hear was the water swishing against the boat. It was calming in one way and unsettling in another. Perry wished Tory hadn't disappeared.

A very faint light began to glow in the boat. Perry stared at it.

It suddenly turned into the form of a large dog in a tattered coat, with one eye sealed shut. Perry backed up as far as he could.

"No need to be afraid." The dog said in a scraping voice. "I'm simply another passenger on this boat. I have no desire to harm you."

Perry tried to calm himself.

The dog wiped its nose. "Will Kutchbrink. I've been riding this boat for as long as I can remember."

"P…Perry." Perry said.

"Nice name." Will said.

There was a long silence. Will was focused on something to his right. Perry was trying to focus on anything but Will. There wasn't really any other option in the darkness.

"Are you trapped here?" Will finally asked.

"Yes." Perry answered. He was stuck on this boat anyways, so he guessed it didn't really matter whether he spoke to Will or not, and honesty seemed to be the best way to go. Telling the ghost the truth seemed much better than angering the ghost by lying to it.

"Matilda after you?" Will asked.

Perry winced.

"She doesn't care if I say her name or not." Will kept gazing at the darkness to his right. "Advice for the future: You can defeat a ghost by bringing them near their body. In Matilda's case, that would be the lowest part of the house. She's buried near here. Spirits don't like to go near their bodies. It makes them crazy. It traps them in one spot and makes their vision funky for a while. Which reminds me… we are coming close. I must leave you now."

Will vanished.

Light finally started to come into the room.

The boat bumped up against a dock… in the middle of a library. Perry started to climb out when he noticed a skeleton seated at the edge of the dock.

"Perry! I'm here. Turn around!"

Perry was more than relieved to see Tory. He jumped out of the boat and gave him a hug.

"How did you…"

"The ghost that took me was friendly." Tory said. "He just wanted to know if I knew a man he had found trapped in here. He then brought me here to wait for you. Very nice of him."

"He found someone trapped in here?" Perry asked.

"Described him as tall, blue eyes, messy brown hair, bent back… I don't know anyone who looks like that." Tory said.

"Doofenshmirtz." Perry said, his heart pounding. "He found him. Did the ghost say where he was?"

"Oh…" Tory's face fell. "I should have known. The ghost had him in his care for a while… but they were attacked by another ghost and he was taken. I'm so sorry."

"Which ghost?"

Tory mouthed MATILDA. Perry felt his heart sink.

"Stupid ghosts." He muttered, kicking over a trash bin.

"Shh." Tory warned.

"I don't care!" Perry shouted. "Stupid, stupid ghosts! They drag us in here- YOU get stuck in here- stupid Doofenshmirtz in the first place! I can't stand it! I'm starving, I'm dying of thirst, and I can't have one moment in this place where I don't feel like I'm gonna be attacked! Lowe's gone, Doofenshmirtz is gone, and I can't even find my way OUT of here…"

"Who ya callin' stupid?" A book fell from one of the bookshelves, narrowly missing Perry's head.

"I HATE IT HERE!" Perry threw the book back at the spot on the shelf.

"That makes two of us." A voice said from the chandelier.

"We'll find them." Tory said. "We'll get out of here. You said you were in good with… the owner?"

Suddenly a voice began to sing.

 _Little Matilda, lovely Matilda, is coming now to say hello… little Matilda, lovely Matilda, once you stay you never go…_

"Come on!" Perry said. He tugged on Tory's arm. Tory began to slowly walk behind him.

 _Come now, come now, don't be shy… Tilda's here to cease your cries…_

"Never let the song finish…" Tory was saying, his voice shaking. "Never let it finish… Perry, we aren't going to be able to get away… leave me…"  
"I'm not leaving you." Perry said. "We're in this together."

He tried to lift Tory, but for some reason the skinny cat was very heavy. Perry dragged him as quickly as he could toward the door.

He could feel himself getting weaker, slipping into unconsciousness. Tory became even heavier.

The voice was ringing in his head now.

"You tried to escape, but you are late, Matilda can't wait any more… Poor little mortals on the cold, hard floor… I cannot wait any more."

Perry opened his eyes. He was in a hallway with deep blue tile and blue walls. Alone. Footsteps sounding in the distance.

He knew he had to get away. He began to run in the other direction, passing a heating vent and a plastic rubber duck taped to a hearing aid.

 _…What?!_

The footsteps were running, too, matching his pace, far away as they were.

Then he hit it. The dead end.

The footsteps slowed. Perry desperately reached into his pockets for something to defend himself. But he had nothing. No fedora. No tools. No grappling gun. Nothing.

His only hope was to get away from this dead end. There was a corner… he could slip through it, past whatever was there… and run back up the other way.

He slowly walked forward. The footsteps did too.

Just before he got to the corner, someone else turned quickly into it. Facing him.

Perry shut his eyes.

Everything went pitch black.

And then he woke in a cold sweat.

* * *

Perry woke in a dark and musty room. It took him a while to muster up his thoughts about the room. He was still incredibly shaken from the dream he had just experienced. He couldn't even remember what had been chasing him…

Now Perry was aware enough to realize that the room he was in was upside down.

No… he was upside down.

He was hanging from his feet. To his left, three more people were hanging in the same way… a cat… a fox… and a man.

"I found Tory and Doofenshmirtz." Perry said weakly.

Lowe smiled at him. "A friend of mine once said, 'Nothing matters so long as we are all together'."

"He was wrong." Perry said.


	8. Chapter 8

"I'm so sorry." Lowe said. "I fell asleep, and that was how she got me. I'm just glad she didn't get both of us."

"Well, she did." Perry said. "Just not right away. Are you okay? You look…"

"I've been better." Lowe said.

Perry swung himself forward a little to get a look at Doofenshmirtz. Doofenshmirtz appeared to be unconscious.

"I… I had a really frightening… footsteps…"

Lowe nodded. "All four of us did. It's the way she catches you. She shapeshifts into a form and situation she knows will frighten you badly enough to immobilize you."

"I've decided I don't like her." Perry said. "Tory, are you okay?"

"I'm in excruciating pain, but otherwise fine." Tory said. "Hello, Lois."

"I'm glad you're alive and relatively well." Lowe said.

"Tory, I'm gonna swing to you and see if I can untie you, okay?" Perry said.

"Sounds great." Tory said. "The blood is starting to run to my head."

Perry swung himself back and forth until he managed to reach Tory's bonds. He managed to untie them, and Tory fell to the ground.

"Ow." Tory said, sitting up and rubbing his head.

"Untie Doofenshmirtz." Perry said. "He seems to be having the hardest time. Then do Lowe."

All four of them were free in only a few minutes. Perry bent down next to Doofenshmirtz and put his hand on his forehead.

"Stupid idiot. You see how much trouble you caused?"

"He'll be all right." Lowe said. "We only felt like we were upside down. In reality, we're perfectly fine."

"I hate ghosts and their ghostly ghost law-of-physics-defying craziness." Perry said.

The room they were in was full of dusty trinkets and clothing items. Perry spotted his fedora sitting on top of an old stool.

"I'll take that." He said, placing it back on his head.

"Search for a door." Lowe said, rubbing his temples. "Tory, you hold on until we can find one… See if you can get Doofenshmirtz to wake up."

"Going somewhere?"

Perry whirled around. A very beautiful and sad-looking young woman was standing in front of them. She had on a long, white nightgown.

"Matilda Reginsons." Tory said. "So we meet in person."

"You are my guests." Matilda said. "Lovely Tilda's guests. You can't go yet… I haven't gotten my payment for the party yet."

Her eyes turned red, and her teeth suddenly became very sharp.

"Well, crud." Perry said. "I kind of wanted to live to see the boys graduate from high school, but I guess you can't win 'em all."

"Run." Lowe said.

He and Perry each grabbed one side of Doofenshmirtz and tore out of the room. Tory limped after them at a surprisingly fast pace, but it seemed to be hurting him badly.

"We have to get as far down as we can." Perry shouted to Lowe. "She'll get stuck if we get her too close to her body."

Lowe nodded. He had begun to softly wheeze. Perry knew it wasn't a good idea to keep running…

"Hide behind here." Perry whispered. They set Doofenshmirtz down behind a wall. Tory collapsed next to them, and Lowe began to cough into his elbow.

"I'm gonna try to revive him so we have at least two mobile people." Perry said. "Maybe he can carry you guys… we can defeat her and then find the exit." Perry reached into his pocket and pulled out a bottle. He uncapped it and held it under Doofenshmirtz's nose.

Doofenshmirtz began to come to.

"…is that almond brittle?" He asked.

Perry put the cap back on his emergency bottle of Eau de Almond Brittle and stuck it back in his pocket.

"Perry the platypus? Oh, thank goodness you're here!" Doofenshmirtz gave him a huge hug. "I came in here to collect ghostly energy for my latest inator… but… well… I'm just so glad you're here!"

Perry pointed to Lowe and Tory and mimed picking them up.

"Oh, you want me to… why, Perry the platypus? We're perfectly safe now that YOU'RE here. So just lead us to the exit and-"

Perry started to protest, but Matilda suddenly materialized in front of them.

"SURPRISEEEE." She hissed.

Doofenshmirtz screamed. He grabbed Lowe and Tory and the four of them scrambled out of their hiding spot.

Perry looked around desperately for stairs, but he saw none. They had to get to lower ground… as far as he knew, they could be on the highest floor…

Suddenly Perry heard a very deep, very familiar laugh.

 _Ha ha ha ha HA HA HA HAAA…_

Doofenshmirtz gave a little squeak.

Lowe wheezed.

"Matilda." Roquefort's voice boomed. "You dare to harm my little friend here? I have taken a liking to him, you know."

"You're not in chargee hereee." Matilda said in a cold tone.

Perry wasn't sure how he felt about the situation.

A cold wind blew past him, and Matilda clenched her fists.

"I wouldn't." Roquefort said. Matilda's left shoulder twitched.

She gave a terrible shriek and zoomed toward Perry. Perry ran into the next room. Doofenshmirtz followed him.

Perry skidded to a stop right before he crashed into the balcony. They were in a square room underneath a window… a window that looked up into the sky.

Perry was so relieved to see some form of the outside world that he nearly cried.

"Window." He pointed up. "We can get out through the window."

Doofenshmirtz seemed more focused on the skeleton hanging from a rope attached to the window's handle. The skeleton was dressed very smartly.

Perry looked over the edge of the balcony. So… climbing to the window could be slightly dangerous… what was the worst that could happen, they could fall down a height of about… so many floors that Perry couldn't see the bottom?

Perry ran over to the other edge of the balcony and tried to figure out how to get up to the window.

"MATILDA IS HERE!"

Matilda burst through the door with a wail and swept toward them.

"ROQUEFORT!" Perry called.

He didn't care how dangerous the ghost was. Roquefort was the only one who appeared to be on their side. And somehow, even though he had no reason to… Perry trusted him.

"He can't help you hereee." Matilda said, grinning broadly. "He can't helllpppp youuuu nowwwww."

Perry looked at her… and then up at the skeleton.

"Help me, Swanky Skeleton." Perry whispered. "You're my only hope."

He grabbed onto the skeleton's foot and began to pull himself up toward the rope. Doofenshmirtz shifted Tory to the arm holding Lowe and attempted to do the same.

"Flunked jungle gym in grade school." Doofenshmirtz said. "Just sayin'."

Doofenshmirtz managed to grab onto the skeleton's foot. He dangled there helplessly.

"Tory, I know you can't walk, but can you climb?" Perry asked. "If we can get up to the window…"

"Gotcha." Tory wrapped his paw around the skeleton's leg and began to make his way up. Lowe started to follow.

"Man, how strong ARE these bones, anyway?" Doofenshmirtz said. "You'd think this guy would have broken a foot off by now or something…"

Perry reached for the top of the rope.

Matilda swept past. Perry felt something sharp slice his hand. He let go, knocking into all three of his companions.

Doofenshmirtz grabbed onto Lowe's tail. Lowe held onto Tory. Tory gripped Perry's ankle.

They began to fall…

Thunder boomed, and lightning flashed.

A hand grabbed Perry's wrist.

…A very bony hand.

Perry gave a yell. The Swanky Skeleton was holding onto him.

Perry didn't know whether to be grateful or completely terrified.

They dangled there for a few moments above the deep abyss, the Swanky Skeleton holding onto Perry, Perry holding onto Tory, Tory holding onto Lowe, Lowe holding onto Doofenshmirtz.

 _He can't help you now._

Perry gazed into the skeleton's lifeless eyes. He felt something looking back at him.

He _knew_ someone was looking back at him.

Matilda laughed coldly. "Stupid mortals. Stupid, stupid mortals."

"Stupid immortal."

Perry craned his neck to look. Another ghost appeared behind Matilda. It was wearing a dark cloak with Ducky Momo on the front. It seemed to have two heads, but the cloak prevented Perry from knowing for certain.

"By the power of all the mortal beings in the world… by the power of all the cows and blowfish in the sea, by the power of all that is Plumpkin pie…"

"Cows don't even liveee in the sseaaa." Matilda said.

"I banish you!" The ghost said, holding out a transparent hand. In it was a single bone.

"NOOOOOOOOOO!" Matilda screamed. A blinding light seared out of the left side of her chest, and she began to disappear.

"You would like to see the door next… I assume." Roquefort's voice boomed.

Another flash of lightning… and they were all sitting in front of the iron gate of the mansion once again.

Perry, Lowe, Tory, Doofenshmirtz…

And Phineas and Ferb, who were both underneath a Ducky Momo cloak.

* * *

Ferb looked at the bone he was holding. "Strange that this happened to be the bone of the ghost we really needed to banish."

"Convenience." Phineas said.

Doofenshmirtz was shaking.

"We need to get these guys back to the agency." Perry said, still a little confused after the whole thing. "Need… to get them back…"

"Come on, Dr. D." Phineas hopped out of the cloak and put his arm around Doofenshmirtz's.

Ferb picked up Tory, and Perry allowed Lowe to lean on his shoulder. They began to make their way back down the street.

* * *

"Agent P!" Monogram ran up to Perry and grabbed his shoulders. "Where were you? Are you all right?"

Perry pointed at Lowe, who was in the middle of a coughing fit, and Tory.

"Oh, yes." Monogram turned to Carl. "Get Lowe into the medical wing and supply him with some oxygen. Phantasmo will need treatment as well. Doofenshmirtz, do you see all of the trouble you have caused?"

"I just… I just wanted to…" Doofenshmirtz sputtered.

"Get him some treatment as well." Monogram commanded. "And make sure he understands what he did WRONG. Agent P, are you all right?"

Perry nodded.

"He's shaken. CARL! Where are you going? Take Agent P, too. He needs to rest. And get him something to eat."

Ernest came up to Perry and glared at him. "Where were you? You should have come back into work the instant your suspension was over."

"I was a little busy trying to stay alive." Perry spat.

"Agent E! Leave off." Monogram chided. "He's recovering from a great trauma. CARL! Where's my coffee?"

"I have to take these guys to the medical wing, sir." Carl said.

"Well, hurry up!" Monogram commanded.

"Kind of strange that we found the bone of that ghost lady in Buford's backyard, huh?" Phineas said to Ferb.

"I wouldn't question it." Ferb said.


	9. Chapter 9

Perry wrote his name down on the checkout list in the reception desk.

"Thank you." Mandy the meerkat said. "Come back soon!"

"That's… a horrible thing to say when you work in a medical wing." Perry said.

"Good point." Mandy said. "I'll work on another parting message."

Perry started to leave. He was looking forward to getting home… after he made a small stop along the way.

Perry had been notified that the Danville police force had secured the Plumpkin Mansion, or so Phineas called it, and that they were clearing it out. The ghosts would have to move. Once outside of the mansion, they wouldn't be dangerous anymore.

Perry was all for it. But he did feel a little sorry for the ghosts having to leave their home… especially the musical ghosts. He felt slightly obligated to apologize to Roquefort.

"Perry the platypus?"

Perry looked behind his shoulder. Doofenshmirtz was standing next to the front desk, wringing his hands. He had a small bandage over his left eye, and another one wrapped around his arm.

"I had no idea what I was doing in there… and anyway… thanks for… caring enough to come in there looking for me."

Perry smiled and tipped his hat.

 _I'd never leave you. You know that. You'd do the same for me._

Doofenshmirtz smiled a little. He turned to the checkout list and began scribbling down his name.

* * *

Perry entered the mansion.

Police were walking around very quickly, talking to each other. It was strange to be inside when all the lights were on. The portraits on the walls no longer moved or seemed to be watching him.

Perry passed the dining hall and the music room, which was blocked off with caution tape. It made him a little sad.

He entered the room Matilda had trapped him in. It was very bright now, and all of the trinkets and clothing articles were piled in one corner next to a policeman. Another policeman was examining the ropes hanging from the ceiling.

Perry found a stairwell next to the water room, which no longer had a stream running through it, and he climbed it. He reached a landing and took the next stairwell up.

After a long time, he finally made it to the top floor. He walked over to the very edge of the indoor balcony, put his paws on the railing, and looked up.

The dapper skeleton still hung from its place on the window. It looked very different in bright light. Almost… silly.

"Hey." Perry said awkwardly.

The skeleton did not move. Its eye sockets remained as empty as ever.

"I don't know why I'm bothering with this." Perry said. "I know you're not here. I mean… this is the least likely place you'd ever be. But… I don't know how else to find you… so… I just wanted to say thanks… Roquefort."

There was no reply. The skeleton remained lifeless.

"I don't know why you thought I was worth saving… but I'm really grateful for that. And looking back… aside from all the creepiness, the tour was kind of fun. I'm sorry you can't move rooms around anymore… and I'm sorry about your house. Anyway… I know it was no small feat saving us last night, and… yeah. Thank you. …I'm gonna let the policemen know not to throw you out or anything… you can have a nice spot all to yourself in Danville Graveyard. I feel like that's a good way to thank you… rather than…"

Perry bent his head. He was making himself tear up. He turned around and started to leave.

"Come now." The deep voice said. "Don't leave me hanging."

Perry turned around. The skeleton remained limp.

"I'm not there." Roquefort said. "I'm here."

Perry turned back around and stared at the space in front of him.

"Sorry." Perry said. "I was… just saying…"

"So I heard." Roquefort said. "It was a riveting speech. I am pleased with it."

"Sorry about your house." Perry said.

"The house that trapped me for many years?" Roquefort gave a maniacal laugh. "I'm glad to be rid of it. I'd have burned it down, given the chance. Not to mention all of those OTHER creeps wandering around… complaining about rooms moving, attacking fine guests such as yourself…"

Perry suddenly remembered something. "But you attacked Tory."

"He wasn't properly frightened upon entering." Roquefort said.

Perry shook his head.

Lightning flashed, and the room became dark.

"And allow me to thank you." Roquefort said. "For freeing me. I do believe we will see each other again sometime. Perhaps I shall drop by for Halloween."  
"…I guess." Perry said. He still wasn't sure how he felt about Roquefort. "Anyway… have fun." He turned and began to head back down the stairs.

"And Perry?" Roquefort said.

"Yeah?" Perry turned.

He saw the fuzzy image of a man seated on the edge of the balcony railing. He had thin, long black hair, a cruel smile, large blue eyes, and a crooked nose.

"I'm very glad you were my last guest." Roquefort whispered. He vanished, and the room became light again.

"Hold up." Perry said. "You didn't tell me what to do with your body."

Silence.  
Perry sighed. He started back downstairs.

* * *

 _Happy haunts and plumply plumps_

 _Poppygums and Lollidrops_

 _Flickerlamps and coelacanths_

 _Goldentails and fairysails_

 _Blowtyblumps and Fishyflips_

 _Potpurri and Supperdish_

 _October is the current month_

 _For happy haunts and plumply plumps_

"Well… it's very good." Perry said. "But it doesn't make any sense."

"It's a poem." Phineas said. "Poems aren't supposed to make sense."

"In that case, you did very well, Ferb." Perry said.

"I figure this lovely poem shall transition you out of the horrors of the Plumpkin Mansion and into the fun of October… and Halloween." Ferb said.

"The real Halloween." Phineas said. "With ghosts and goblins and pumpkins."

"As opposed to ghosts and plumpkins?" Perry asked.

"Yes." Phineas said.

"Is your arm still going to go as a blimp for Halloween?" Perry said.

"Yes." Phineas said. "A deflated blimp."

"Blimpity blimps and shippity shoes." Ferb said. "I was going to add that into the poem, but I forgot."

"Well…" Perry took Ferb's pen out of his hand. "There's still room on the paper for another verse."

 _Blimpity blimps and shippity shoes_

 _How mountains fall when they fish_

 _New nannies for little Andy Bill_

 _As Wurny the Purr grants a wish_

 _And... I'm out. Happy Halloween._


End file.
